The making of a gorean master

A few days ago I got a desperate call "I've got a new Jarl - and he needs a bit of fashion help".

I have to admit I was intrigued - - how much fashion advice does a Gorean Master NEED I wondered?

But I've advised a few men when they have needed make overs and how difficult can it be...

What greeted me was a bit of a man mountain - almost as wide as he is tall, his biceps so bulging that they looks like his arms had been stuffed with small, fat children. His neck crushed under the weight of his ragged, mop like hair, his legs looking like mooring rope that had been used by boy scouts for knot tying practice. Imagine a very large brick, with legs and arms and covered with a cheap skin.

"Aye Lass, I think I need a new skin

"Two points here - first only men in there 70's have the right to call me lass, I left school over 20 years ago so I think I count as a woman at worst and a lady at best.

And to say he needed a new skin was like saying that Second Life has the odd glitch - true but somewhat of an understatement.

The skin was no problem easy to find a good skin when L$ is not an issue - off to Dragonfly and - PRESTO a lovely skin.

This is where it got tricky - a good skin showed up all the flaws in the shape - so I tried the tactful approach

"Perhaps a better defined shape would improve your look"

"Aye but I made this shape myself - 'tis manly"(no - actually pushing your sliders up to 100% does not make you manly).

"Well lets just look - see if we can find something with better definition for you

"Sure enough After a bit of grid hopping I found a lovely barbarian shape, based on Arnie in his Conan days - 7ft2 tall - shoulders broad enough to park a small car on, arms that looked like Popeye after a spinach overdose, a rippling 6 pack, slim waist, a firm, rounded ass and legs like well carved tree trunks.

"Just look", I pleaded, "If you get the mod version you can play with anything you don't like"

"Lass he looks like a wimp" (Hmm there's that L word again).

"A wimp? It's a lovely, manly shape, a shape fit for a hero"

"Nay Lass, it ain't tall enough, he is far too pretty, he has too much waist, too much of a 6 pack" (Really - 7foot tall is too short? And what woman really thinks there is such a thing as TOO much of a six pack on a barbarian hero??)

More grid hopping and I find a shape advertised as for "men who want to be bears"...well, as long as the Gorean is relatively sheltered or open minded he might not know or care what a 'bear' is, amongst certain groups in SL, now then, does the designer have an outlet that isn't in an obviously gay mall? (Instinct told me this man probably wouldn't be comfortable in a mall - especially not one that advertised itself as such).

After a bit more grid hopping (really - I don't mind being ruthed after every teleport), I found the designer had a small outlet in an small, innocent looking mall and the store had the shape I was looking for.

"Please, come and look at this shape - I am sure you'll like it - it looks like a REAL hulk of a hero"

"Well Lass" (it's starting to bug me now), it's better than your last find, more of a manly shape" (Stop sniggering at the back of the room please), "But still, he doesn't have the muscle"

Oh but now we know 7ft7 is the ideal height for a Gorean man...

"You can get the mod version, change what you don't like.."I humbly suggested.

"Aye Lass, I tell ye what, I'll bring over my little lass to see what she thinks

"Two minutes later there in front of me is a tall, willowy yet buxom slave girl, with just enough clothing to be decent in a PG sim..

After formal introduction ("Lass, this is the Lass that's been helping me get even handsomer"), the slave girl gigglingly agreed that the 'bear' shape wasn't too bad and was fit for a hero - with a few adjustments maybe...

The sale was made and I breathed a huge sigh of relief, now there was just the hair..

Silly me, hair for men is always difficult, but I'd recently been to Pazzaz and knew they have some lovely mens hair which I thought would fit the bill...of course I was wrong...

"Too long, too short, too girly"

More grid hopping, more please to just come look, which were often met with an accepting of a tp, 5 minutes for the store to rez and a blunt "No, Lass" and a speedy barbarian exit.

Then as a last resort I went to a little place I know which has maybe a dozen mens hairs, there was one, a mid length pony tail which might do. the usual (by now) invitation to just come look, but this time after 5 mins to rez, before I could point out which hair I had in mind - I get a "Perfect, Lass, I've got it"...

I turn around to see him sporting which was obviously based on Rod Stewart in the 70's...

oh hum..well he's happy...

A day later I got an invitation to come see the full effect.

After rezzing in what was some sort of cave dwelling I see my barbarian stood next to a large open fire, his Rod Stewart hairdo, the skin being shown to it's best (not much in the way of clothes to spoil the view) and an obviously modded version of the shape (bears just aren't big enough it seems), all dressed in a pair of rough hewn trousers and two weapons belts, bristling with swords, knifes and sharp pointy things strung over his shoulders and across his chest..

Nice enough if you like that sort of thing I suppose -

but now I need a companion in a well cut tux and a martini to ease my shattered nerves - in future I'll stick to helping male escorts get their look together...

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